No “big O” causing breakup

fireworks explosion

My boyfriend claims every girl he has been with had amazing orgasms from intercourse alone. He has not been able to get me to do that so because of his “successful” past, shames me and says clearly he’s doing it right, must be my issue. It’s hurtful and hard to want to try anymore with all the pressure. He also doesn’t believe I can enjoy sex without the big explosion. He makes fun of me for using toys in the past and refuses to use them because nobody else needed them.  Any thoughts? He’s making me feel uneducated and insecure.

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9 thoughts on “No “big O” causing breakup

  • My advice may sound harsh but if he shames you and is hurtful then it is an abusive relationship and you should start taking steps to end it. From your post, this is not only about his ignorance of female sexuality,sensuality, enjoyment and needs, this is him shaming and demeaning you. He is forcing you to become insecure and question yourself. That is not OK.

  • …shames you for using toys? For not being able to get off on his “prowess” alone? Wave goodbye, and don’t for one moment let him make you think it was remotely your fault. If he cares so much about your pleasure, then he shouldn’t care about what you need to get there, and he certainly shouldn’t shame YOU for HIS failure.

  • It sounds as if he’s the one who is uneducated and insecure. It is harsh advice but get rid sooner rather than later before he makes you feel any worse.
    Good luck x

  • Look, I know you like him, but seriously : if he’s not about what *you* need to feel satisfied too (however you need it performed) then he’s the one with the issue.

    Ultimately you might have to “dump the chump”, but other advice, better than mine, suggests positive “I love it when you do that” style feedback might help when someone is criticism adverse.

    Comparing you to his exes? Dick move, if you ask me.

    Me personally, I find a partner’s enjoyment a great part of feeling turned on myself. It’s the good kind of feedback. Hope some of this helps.

  • First of all I’d be inclined to call foul on his initial claims for a start!
    From what you have said, his behaviour shows not so much a skilled lover, but someone who is deeply ignorant of female sexuality and someone who is deeply insecure about his own performance. The fact that he uses his past “success” to put you down says it all.

  • It seems likely that all of his other girlfriends were faking it and sadly your boyfriend has a great deal to learn. Anyone that seeks to cause you pain, upset and shame during such intimate part of your relationship is as HappyComeLucky says, leaning towards abusive. Personally I think you should move on and find someone who appreciates you and the person you are. Good luck.

  • This makes me so sad.
    Ego has no place in the bedroom, well, certainly not when it comes to finding what makes each other happy, and gives satisfaction. If he can’t put his ego aside to learn your body and what makes you tick, kiss his sorry ass goodbye.
    Shaming someone for their sexual preferences/needs is also a big red flag for me. Using toys is nothing to be ashamed of, plenty of men and women use toys.
    Him getting butthurt over your use of toys is childish….if he spent time actually listening to you and not assuming that he’s some kind of sex guru who can make any woman orgasm, then, yeah, we’re back to kissing his arse goodbye!

    Just a little fyi, I don’t have to orgasm to enjoy sex, it’s the closeness and other sensations that make it work for me. Yes, orgasms are great, wonderful even, but they aren’t a necessity. I hate goal orientated sex, or rather, the big O being touted as the be all and end all….if that’s the view being taken by someone, I think they’re missing the point somewhat.

    Read your post back to yourself, dispassionately….does this really sound like a man you want to share your most intimate moments with?


  • EVERY time a man says ‘All the women I’ve ever been with came from my penis in their vagina’ I hear ‘I’m such a dick that they would rather fake it than honestly show me what they like’. From his behaviour with you he probably shamed them all as well until they went ‘ah fuck it’ and just faked it to shut him the fuck up.

    In short, your boyfriend is an ignorant bullying arsehole who’s shit at sex and that fact has nothing to do with you.


    Dump him.

    There are plenty of men who know better and whose priority is in pleasing their woman in bed.


  • The reality is this guy is a joke and not worth your time you are worth so much more not all women are able to reach orgasm easily or at all. Some require toys always if he is so selfish to think this will be fixed by his bad attitude then you do not need this guy. Sending lots of positive thoughts .

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