I found my fire.
I tried to have a conversation, but that only works if you both are willing to talk. He wasn’t willing. He was too scared, I think, so instead of being open, he attacked.
So I’ve had to lose a friend, plus the friend who is his partner. It looks like I may also lose my partner, because despite everything he said, he may no longer want me because, in retrospect, maybe he wasn’t as OK as he said he was.
It’s hard, when you have sacrificed yourself for people, to find that they aren’t willing to sacrifice themselves for you.
It’s hard, when you checked over and over again that everything was above board with everyone before you walked down a new, exciting path, to be told that you didn’t do it ‘right’.
It’s hard, when you gave of yourself completely, to be rejected so thoroughly.
It’s hard, when you submitted so sweetly, to find that the person you did it for is now incapable of caring for you.
It’s hard, when your partner encouraged you at the time, but now rejects you.
It’s hard, to think that in order to keep your partner, you will likely have to live without having the longings of your heart ever being satisfied.
Yet I’ve always believed that nothing is too broken to be redeemed.
Yes, I have been shattered. But the pieces of me will not be lost forever.