Are we invited too?

Sometimes twitter and the sexy / kinky blogosphere feels like an amazing party!

The only problem is that I do not appear to be invited.

I can understand that you don’t want to follow us unknown folk, that is unless we prove ourselves worthy of a follow. However simply ignoring @ mentions is IMHO a little rude. Worse still blocking someone as the result of simply requesting to follow.

You all claim to love your lurkers, how about us folk who actually attempt to have dialogue with you? Those who do not blog, and even some who do but who have not made it into the inner circle, those of us who are not erm cool.

I feel like I am back at school, trying to fit in with the cool girls (sorry to say you ladies are the worst offenders) and I don’t think I can be bothered to feel like I am always hoping you might notice me or reply to my tweets or acknowledge my comments on your posts.

So rant over, I have decided to close my alter ego account. The few of you who will notice will probably find a poor lost vanilla mummy following you!

This is probably me over thinking things however I just wanted to let you know how I feel, although I have stopped waiting for my party invitation to drop onto the door mat.

32 thoughts on “Are we invited too?

  • Well said, it does feel like you have be cool to get with the cool kids. Today I unfollowed all the cool kids who never reply to @’s. If they can’t be bothered to reply I can’t be bothered to boast their ego

  • I agree! There are several people who ignore my @ and attempts at dialogue. Perhaps I should follow suit and just give up on them.

    Well said and thank you for posting what a lot of us think.


  • Well I really hope that I am not one of those people who behave that way.. I do sometimes miss things on my TL.. but if I do miss talking to you.. feel free to nudge me 😉

  • I’m not one of the cool gang, never was one of the popular, cool kids at school. I feel like I am on the edge of the circle, making my way in, but I hope I haven’t made anyone feel like this. If I have I apologise and will try harder to accept and embrace all.


  • Thank you, this had to be said. I mayself not a writer have tried several attempts to talk to those who are since 2009. At first feeling defeated and always an outsider.

    Those of us who don’t have stories to tell or pictures to post still enjoy talking about things (though maybe not always revolving around bdsm) but we are people too regardless of our experience. I recently told someone that I try to speak to everyone about anything because I knew what it felt like to be shunned. I never want anyone to feel that way.

    We can’t break barriers if we keep to ourselves or among a certain group. Education is key to stop ignorance to bdsm, sex positive, transgender, the list goes on.

    I encourage everyone make a step forward don’t remain the same. Peace Out 🙂

    • If someone tweets about nothing but male submission, or thai food, or tuner cars….I’m not likely to follow or engage in a conversation on my own because what they’re tweeting about is something that I have no interest in or no knowledge of. I go to Twitter to interact with others, yes, but I don’t have enough time in the day to figure out how to interact with someone I have zero in common with. Do I dislike them, am I shunning them? NO. I just have no common ground on which to converse with them.

  • I felt that way when I first began.It was miserable! I stuck it out and tried to let those feelings of playground drama and cliques pass over me. It took a while. Try different folks if one ignores you. They might come around in time or give up on them entirely and find new tweeps. 🙂 It was hard but very worth it. There are wonderful people on Twitter/online that cancel out the beastly asses.

    Hugs to u.

  • Until recently, I always kept my Twitter account locked due to paranoia. I didn’t follow many (still don’t) because I have a hard enough time keeping up with the ones I DO follow – but if your tweets are mainly contest entries, flirting with a few others or very bdsm-based, then I personally wouldn’t follow. It’s not that I’m saying you’re not cool enough or whatnot, it’s simply that what you’ve tweeted about isn’t something I find interesting. Does that make sense without coming off pompous? And I don’t reply to every single @ simply because to me, some of them don’t seem like response is warranted and I don’t mean that in a bad way.

    Example: Yesterday I tweeted a screencap of a threatening email I received at elust, wondering if anybody would know anything about it. I thought at first that perhaps one of my newer judges had an email account that forwarded someone else, I dunno. A number of people didn’t know anything or have any suggestions, but simply wanted to say “Wow” or “Sorry, that sucks”, etc. I didn’t respond to those; I was busy responding to those that offered a suggestion and I was busy dealing with the situation. I have tweeted the same type of responses to others and they don’t respond to mine and that’s ok. Sometimes if you did it would be like a never-ending courtesy-bowing thing (Japanese tradition).

    I’m also not the most socially graceful person. I fully admit that. We’re not perfect, you see.

    It could also be that the person didn’t see your tweet to them. If you have a locked account and they do not follow you, then they will not see your tweet to them. Perhaps they are like me and use an app like Tweetdeck, which sometimes malfunctions and doesn’t deliver all responses. Sometimes a bunch of people responded all at once and one or two went unnoticed. I’ve had that happen to me, too, where later on I scrolled through and saw one I didn’t see the day before.

    I’m still relatively low on the totem pole. When I tweet to “higher ups” I frequently don’t get a response back, but they’re various levels of famous and have thousands of followers so I imagine mine gets lots in the fray. *shrugs* I like reading their tweets, so I continue to follow.

  • Been reading through the comments. I don’t consider myself a “kool kid”, but I have some good friends on twitter. I don’t recall anyone @ing me without a reply, even when I knew that it was not a good idea to reply to particular person. I don’t auto follow back, but I will be sure that you’re not a bot or someone on twitter just to market something, so I do want to be sure you have some tweets first and you’re not following 3K people and being followed by 1.
    I may be more “creepy” than “kool”, but for what it’s worth, say hello!
    I do bite though….. fair warning.

  • I understand exactly what you’re saying. Maybe we have all been there. I have. It felt like speaking in a room where everyone had their backs to you.

    I still feel like that sometimes when the ‘cool kids’ post something I like and I promote it and I don’t even so much as get a thank you let alone anything more. It does make you not want to bother.

    I even sent a message to that effect to a blogger recently, saying how I loved their stuff and added them to my blog roll. What did I get? Nada! I was left feeling like they thought they were somehow above me, better than me as if they had celebrity status. Psshfft!!

    I try to reply to all my @s, sometimes I simply don’t have the time. And I reply to all my comments, after all the party isn’t fun without people like you who enjoy what we bloggers do!

  • I am still very new to it myself, but even with social media I tend to be shy. So I know I feel like this every now and then, but when I can honestly offer something to someone I plan to @ I do my best to give it and if I get a response I won’t lie I do a little happy dance.

    The way I am figuring it is that twitter is a big pool with a lot of people in it, sometimes it just takes a little while to notice who your swimming near.

  • I seem to have totally missed the point here. I go on twitter, I follow a few people, I have a laugh. I have no idea who follows back or unfollows. If I @ someone I don’t expect a response but sometimes it’s fun to get one. I don’t need to be thanked for RT’s because I only do them if it’s something I wanted to share in the first place. I don’t expect a ‘thanks’ for following because if I’m not engaged I might unfollow again tomorrow.
    It’s a random 140 characters, I have no idea who 99.9% of the people are. Connections come and go. If it wasn’t fun I’d stop.
    Not sure about folk here but I left the playground over 30 years ago. I hadn’t even noticed there was a cool gang or inner circle???? FFS What’s with all this need to belong or be approved?? Make your own gang and just have a laugh!!

  • I get this. I often feel that exact same way, like I’m standing outside a circle peering in.

    I figure everyone must feel that way and just pretend I don’t.

    That said, when anyone does specifically communicate with me, I make it a point to respond. Until that person starts getting a little creepy…

  • Part of the issue I’m finding about breaking into the scene is that most of my life, by necessity, must remain private. I’m an open, honest person, so I struggle with the restrictions. I am finding that meeting people is difficult because I can’t open up as much as I would like, which leaves me feeling awkward and dishonest. Presently, it’s frustrating, but Twitter has been great so far, and being very new, I look forward to what it may bring in the future!

  • In all fairness I think I can understand where you’re coming from. I admit I myself am guilty of ignoring the names I don’t recognize; I can’t imagine what those with a higher follow count go through on a daily basis.

    Sometimes all it takes is a reality check. Thanks for pointing this out, I’ll endeavor to be more friendly.

    Come back… We love you.

  • Firstly I would like to apologise if I am one of the people that you are referring to. My alter-ego twitter and my blog are something that I do in my spare time which is limited and I do what I can.

    I am not a regular tweeter, but I do try where I can to reply to all @mentions that I get but I am sure that there are some that I miss purely out of time constraints and when I am able to check in on things.

    Personally I do not worry if I am ignored or not involved in any particular chats as, for me, this is all about having some fun and enjoying myself.

    I learn things along the way by reading others blogs etc. and I hope that others enjoy mine, however, I do not look for recognition as I primarily do this because I enjoy writing and it is something that I enjoy and I hope that I provide things that others find interesting.

    So again to the beginning of this comment I apologise if you feel that I may have snubbed you it certainly was not a slight against you or an intentional act of rudeness and that goes for anyone else that may happen to read this comment.

    ~Mia~ xx

  • This happens on both my TLs. There is a “mummy hierachy” and also seems to be. “Sex blogger hierachy” too. I’m not sure that as Maddie I followed everyone back but I did reply to mentions as long as they were from a creepy cock avi asking for some action! Even then I think I remember tweeting no thanks!
    However I get where you are coming from, as Lily I follow back more random folk and am much less, how can I put it… Snobbish in who I follow and tweet with. I have also found that a lot of lovely people I used to tweet with don’t follow me now, I’m not sure if they know I am the same person but my Bio seems to make the difference, I’m no longer described as submissive, nor mention BDSM… I wonder if this makes a difference. Food for thought. I hope that you don’t go and I hope that if you are still on twitter you say hello 🙂
    Lily xxx

  • I am on Twitter to follow things (and people) I find interesting. If I RT something or I @ someone it usually because I think it’s worth sharing. If I comment on something, it’s usually because it has sparked something in me (good or bad) and I can’t resist! 🙂 If people answer me back or acknowledge what I’ve said, then that’s great (and I love that – really!), but I certainly don’t EXPECT it, especially all the time. I don’t have a large number of followers, but I appreciate the ones I have and I try to respond when people acknowledge me. That said, it must be very difficult to notice everything that comes through your Twitter feed if you follow hundreds (if not thousands) of people and have that many following you, let alone respond to it all. Unless there is something overt or deliberate, I don’t think people should take it too personally if there isn’t a response to everything they share/comment on. Don’t get me wrong…responses are terrific, but it’s not always possible. Just my two cents, for what they’re worth.

  • I think that this is the nature of ‘social’ networking, to be honest. It’s not quite a conversation, not quite a bulletin board, and not quite a chat room. Just like I don’t speak with the really sketchy guy who hits on me at a bar, I don’t reply to the @’s that are just telling me how they want to cum all over my tits.

    That being said, I do engage in ‘@’ conversations with those who seem like they want to have more than twitter-sex. The ‘cool kids’ started off just like the newbies and the eggs. I’m not sure where I fall, and I too have unresponded @’s, but then again, I don’t expect them to dote on me, either, IYKWIM? I also don’t expect someone with 30K followers to RT me, but I think that none of the folks that the OP is referring to are those types…

    I hope I haven’t come across as a complete cow…its just my two cents.

  • Have to say, I’m quite shocked at the responses to this post and the post itself!

    First off! If I ignored you repeatedly and your account wasn’t locked, I apologise sincerely. I don’t like to shun anyone; and we’ve all been there, trying to make friends. (However, if it was just a one off… eh… there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to respond to every message.)

    On the one hand, we could all do with being mindful of each other. (Also quite shocked at people above who have commented just to say “I so know how this feels!”… when they might have ignored you as well.) On the other hand, I don’t know many people on twitter who would ignore a well-thought-out, interesting @-mention… so if this happened to you repeatedly… er… you’re the common denominator.

  • Being very polite I always send a ‘Thanks for following’ and also a message that is personal to that persons profile/tweets. If we then start to have dialogue I will follow back…. *simples*

  • I agree with this :

    Curious Muse :
    I seem to have totally missed the point here. I go on twitter, I follow a few people, I have a laugh. I have no idea who follows back or unfollows. If I @ someone I don’t expect a response but sometimes it’s fun to get one. I don’t need to be thanked for RT’s because I only do them if it’s something I wanted to share in the first place. I don’t expect a ‘thanks’ for following because if I’m not engaged I might unfollow again tomorrow.
    It’s a random 140 characters, I have no idea who 99.9% of the people are. Connections come and go. If it wasn’t fun I’d stop.
    Not sure about folk here but I left the playground over 30 years ago. I hadn’t even noticed there was a cool gang or inner circle???? FFS What’s with all this need to belong or be approved?? Make your own gang and just have a laugh!!

  • if I have’nt been on twitter for a few days, I wait for somebody to miss me and nobody ever does.

    It’s sad but their so caught up in their own little worlds to think about me!

    but that’s twitter for you *sighs*

  • I think many people miss the part where the internet is a very big place and ultimately insignificant. If you’re not allowed to be disinterested in someone on the internet without someone getting offended then where can you? I don’t feel hurt when nobody notices I haven’t tweeted for three days – usually because I’m hanging out with my real life friends that actually matter. If you need validation from the internet at large in order to feel special then you really need to re-evaluate your life.

  • I had a Twitter follower get pissed at me for not responding to him sometimes. Here’s the thing that seems to be missing from the comments so far- we all have off-line lives! If I take a little break at work and spend a few minutes on Twitter, it’s distinctly possible that work will come calling and I’ll disappear without a word for several hours, abandoning several conversations in the process. It’s not personal or intentional, it just happens sometimes.

    And frankly, some people are best ignored because they don’t contribute to the conversation.

  • You are cool! Never forget that. You are totally amazing and you were so kind to
    talk to me ! I try to treat others like you treat me. Thank you! XXX

  • Hah! I have felt like saying this so many times. I have felt snubbed and been blocked by those i wanted to “follow”. I have been butt-hurt about it for far too long. I hope I never do this, I hope I will be humbled right away if this even resembles me. As for those that this message is actually about FUKM! There are far too many people who would love to have your acquaintance.

  • I realise this is an old thread – but I felt moved to comment – please find other ways to communicate with people….Twitter, I am sure, is useful for some, but for others of us we find it totally un-useful as a way to engage with people. I do not use twitter, I find it just too impersonal….I prefer to communicate with people via mine and thier blogs…and therefore if people want to get back to me then great – if not thats fine too…
    Come talk to me!!

  • I just saw this post, I had to comment. I can see how you feel, as I feel like that sometimes with life in general. You can’t let it bother you, there will always be people that tend to give you the “cold shoulder” for whatever reason. Sometimes those people that don’t respond may be just busy, or didn’t see it. If someone repeatedly doesn’t respond, oh well- don’t dwell on it. They don’t know you- remember that. It’s a blind universe. Maybe I always have a relaxed attitude towards things, but with so many factors involved, it just isn’t something to let yourself get upset about.

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