Stuck in a rut..

I feel stuck. My depression isn’t helping I’m left feeling rotten, and like my life doesn’t always have meaning these days. I miss Him, I can’t wait until we can just hang out again together here… but then I feel guilty. I hate not being able to travel due to ill health. I could go into details but my health isn’t going to get better – and it’s not weight related like half the “friends” I have think. I’m lonely beyond belief. I don’t know what I’d do without Him and the few friends I do have.

But they all have their own lives they don’t need me intruding or trying to explain why I’m depressed. I should be happier.I’ve lost 3 and half stone. (49lb for you Americans) but hospital doctors just want to keep rescheduling me, I want to work but can’t find work 1. because there isn’t much out there 2. my skills are half the time “over qualified” for the job. 3. they don’t like the fact i have ill health and may need time off.

Just shoot me now please!? Not only am I left worrying about my own life, but my parents too. My dad is at the end of his tether and may loose his job, yet he doesn’t feel he will get another job. My mums job isn’t great the council have crapped it all up and that’s also meaning she’s worrying over hers. FRUSTRATION!

I’m in my early 20s I don’t want this crap for the rest of my life.. I just want to feel happy to enjoy life.

I think I needed to do this, I didn’t want to do it on my own blog.. I needed it to be anonymous so no one knows it’s me… as I don’t want to lose people because I’m not happy.. yes.. I know I’m sad.. trying to please others and not myself but when you rely on your Other half, your friends and your family to help you then you want to repay them the only way you know how by being pleased and happy and helping them out where you can!


1 thoughts on “Stuck in a rut..

  • I related to your frustration and feelings here. Just want to offer love and support. I understand a little of what you seem to be going through. Hugs xxx

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