I have a lover. My husband agreed to open our marriage, and now I have an amazing, sexy, intelligent, breath-taking lover. Our friendship is great, and our sex is just phenomenal! Partly, it’s his gorgeous, huge cock and the way it fills me so completely and perfectly. Moreso, it’s because I enjoy the fucking just so much.
My husband confessed a few weeks ago he’s actually not very comfortable with this whole consensual nonmonogamy thing after all. I felt myself starting to slide into a sick, agonizing anxiety – which I fought my way out of over a span of many years. I talked to my lover, who was so understanding and compassionate bout it all, and we agreed we would take a short break for my husband’s sake.
My husband has not touched me for months. I am craving his touch, smile, attention, anything, and all he can say is that he’s having a hard time. Actually, he repeats his woes ad nauseum, says he needs to regain his balance, and still does nothing.
How long am I supposed to do this??? I miss my lover so incredibly badly…
How long are you willing to live as you are right now? Have you tried counseling or talking or finding ways of strengthening the relationship with your husband? Without having a strong relationship with him, any ancillary relationship will put a huge strain on the two of you. Having a consensual non-monogomous relationship without having a strong relationship between you and your husband is like building a house on a foundation of sand, it’s going to fall. I hope that the two of you can reach a point where you’re both happy. That may not be a place where you’re still married however ?. As one marriage counselor stated to me “counseling works 50% of the time” , I hope you’re able to find a place where you’re both happier and satisfied. *hugs*
Once you have the taste of the lover you will find him hard to give up, resentment will build towards your husband and you may discover the place you want to be is different to several months ago. Fundementally it sounds as if you are already detaching with your husband not engaging in frank and direct conversation. Hard
The clocks don’t run backwards. Whatever demons your husband is grappling with, they’ve been released, and they need to be dealt with and slain, or they will wreak their havoc. They will not be coaxed gently back into the bottle whence they came, whether your lover stays away for a month or a decade. Talk to your husband. Work with him to figure out where he is, and what’s at the root of what he’s feeling. Work on that. It’s not an easy course, to be sure, but it needs to be done.
The way forward is not passivity. The way forward is not sitting and letting time pass and waiting for things to get better. The way forward is to explore all the caves and root out the demons, and fight every last one of them head-on. You and your husband. And sometimes, maybe with your lover, too, all sitting around a kitchen table.
Good luck!
Your Husband Isn’t Listening To You and Not Meeting Yours And His Wants And Needs! He Needs To Get His Head Out From Where Ever It Is! Needs His Own Lover!