I would like to ask for some help, advice and support from my friends. For obvious reasons, which will be revealed I can’t ask questions of this nature via twitter, just know that I’ve met a lot of you and that I trust in your words and vitual responses to my plea.
Ok, well. After a long time of not knowing why I don’t feel like me, why I am constantly bitchy and angry, I have worked it out. I think. maybe…..
It is not as I have blamed, your controlling nature, we have played on this and enjoyed it too, however now, I just simply can not bring myself to call you Sir.
I have avoided you touching me, especially my piercings for a while, because, tbh, I do not want you to touch me. I cant tell you how or when this feeling started, but only that now I can not feel anything but annoyance and irritation at your insistence at fiddling with my nipples or my cunt rings.
It isnt that you criticise me, although you do. I have developed strategies to side step this. It isnt that you constantly undermine me, you do this too, but I have a way to deal with this as well. However it is the addition of all of these things plus many others over time which lead me to the conclusion which makes me very sad. I just don’t love you. Or Im not in love with you…
We have children. A business. A life. We are friends. Not soul mates but friends. I just don’t know what I should do about the love part?
I havent spoken to anyone I know about this, not a soul knows what I know in my heart. I wish I could confide, but I find that I can not. If I say it aloud then I might be given an answer I dont like or want to hear. If somebody in my real life thinks Im not being fair to him or myself and I should leave, then I have to make a decision, I have to do something.
However, Ive no idea if simply not loving the significant other in your life is enough reason to leave? Is it? Or am I a selfish cow?
Ok the not having sex thing is really frustrating for us both. Am I being unfair staying when he could find somebody else to love?
Is there a way back from here? Can I find a way to pull myself back into his arms – at the moment I am desperately clinging to this with my nails, but I feel I am slipping, Im just unhappy, grumpy and tbh, a bitch.
I have spoken and listened to other posts about this. Folk who feel love is everything, you need to be happy, loved, content etc… but I feel like im being totally selfish in even considering leaving, after all who has a perfect relationship? What makes me special to feel I have the right to split up a family, a home, a business, a friendship.
I quite honestly dont have a clue how i should feel, respond, act, be….
I just know that the not enjoying being touched, hugged or kissed part gives me a real indication as to how I feel about him sexually… but but but… is that really important? Am I confusing sex with love? Oh ffs…