You do not want me anymore

You do not want me anymore.

Somehow, the addition of 1 stone of fat around my hips and stomach has meant I am no longer worthy of those worshipful touches that meant so much to me.

I am just not desirable to you anymore, because I don’t measure up to the memory of how I looked when you married me.

The one person I have told about this actually cried when I told him.  He looked at me incredulously and said “But you are lovely”, and then he wept the tears that I want to cry over how, somehow, you don’t want me anymore.

It doesn’t matter that I have laid down my life as a living sacrifice for you.  It doesn’t  matter that I gave up a career I had spent 8 years studying for in order to support your dreams.  It doesn’t matter that I worked with you in sun, rain, and snow. It doesn’t matter that I am the kinkiest fucking slut you’ve ever met, that I will take your cock in every hole I have, that I will bend you over and fuck you up the arse with a strap-on, and that I want your cock in me three times a day.

Instead, I am lucky if I get it once every 2 weeks.

Because, though you may love me, though you may be fond of me, though you need my intelligence to run our lives, though you appreciate the greater income I bring into our household, the fact remains:  You don’t not want me anymore.

And so, I will try my best to lose that weight, to tone those dimpled thighs and flatten my slightly curved stomach.

But how am I supposed to do that when all I want to do is weep and moan and rock myself to sleep, because I cannot believe that after I have laid my life as a sacrifice at you feet, something so small as a stone of fat can mean that you do not want me anymore?

2 thoughts on “You do not want me anymore

  • This made me angry and outraged. I was fully ready to indignantly suggest that you march right out the door, but as I contemplated the love you must have for this man… It’d be like leaving part of yourself and the life you worked so hard for. I do not know you, but I know by this that you are magnificent, and I mourn that he cannot see what’s in front of him as easily as I can see it through your words.

  • This makes me fume but also so sad, sad for you that you have given so much and deserve so much better than you are being given.
    You shouldn’t have to feel like this, you shouldn’t have to lose weight to be wanted and adored.

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