Small Secret

I don’t consider myself a sex blogger. I talk about sex and I certainly play sexually on twitter, but I am far from what I would consider a sex blogger. That said, I do write the occasional piece of erotica or about a certain aspect of sex which I find interesting. It’s more a hobby than a full time occupation. The reason for this is my lack of experience in the sexual world because of a secret. A secret that holds me back from really pushing myself.

I am on twitter/Fetlife as a Dom. I feel like a Dom and I have many Dom qualities. Yet I have not backed this up in the real world with an actual one to one session, for want of a better word. This is because I hide a secret which I’m embarrassed by but know there is nothing I can do to change it. I have a small penis

Before you start to say size doesn’t matter it’s what you do with it, let me put this too you. If your partner had a small cock could you do half the things you do? Would positions become harder as it just won’t reach? Certain areas of domination are harder to achieve i.e., Throat Fucking. Would it still turn you on to see it erect but still smaller than you ex’s flaccid cock?

These thoughts run through my head daily when I play on twitter. Here I am this confident Dom yet in real life is upset by his lack of manhood, I lack confidence as I don’t want to let people down. I am lucky that being an online Dom is about the emotional rather than the physical. I know there are plenty of other things that I can do in the bedroom that don’t involve cock, but again if you met someone for sex and didn’t get penetration how would you feel?

Being involved in the erotic community is fantastic and I wouldn’t change it for the world but I feel like a fraud at times. I feel like I am not worthy to join and I should sit on the side lines because of something I was born with. How can something so small have such an impact on who I am?

15 thoughts on “Small Secret

  • Although penis’s come in all shapes and sizes, so do vagina’s (and throat’s :D). You may think you’re too small for some when you will be either perfect or adequate for plenty.

    I don’t know you, I don’t know how you feel on a day to day basis about what you see as your physical imperfection. I do know that such self doubt is destructive. There will always be rejection, but that happens to everyone and shouldn’t hold you back from your community. You can always compensate for your lack of size with other techniques… there are plenty of toys you can add to your bag of tricks to do the things you want to do to your sub. To me, Domination is more about the emotional side of sex than the physical anyway; just because a man can hold me down and ram his cock down my throat doesn’t mean that I feel like he’s my Dom. I don’t offer up my trust and submission to a man just because he has an average sized cock; any moron can come equipt with one of those.

    It’s easy for me to say all this; I have no idea what you are going through. I do send you virtual hugs though, and hope that you open up to your friends about how you feel.


  • You know what, that’s what hands are for. And Pure Wands, etc.

    Admittedly I think I might miss gagging on a cock now and again.. but it certainly wouldn’t be a dealbreaker.

    But I can see it having an effect on your mental state, definitely.

  • You say “being an online Dom is about the emotional rather than the physical” but this is true in real life too.

    It is about the emotion, the trust.

    I think if you find the right person its not about your looks, or the way you dress or how big your dick is. Don’t get me wrong, size is a bonus and I’m not talking about huge but yes you have a good point about certain positions. (forgive me if i sound incredibly unsupportive but i have a point!)

    One thing that I am agreeing with more and more is that one person cannot give you everything you desire for the rest of your life. If I fall in love with a man does that mean I can never be with a girl again? There’s a chance someone will always have a bigger dick than the guy I am dating and many of my submissive fantasies involve more than one person.
    I think non-monogamists have got something worth exploring. Have you considered this?

    If you find someone you can be with who will be with you for you and all the domly things you do then other aspects of your relationship (committed or otherwise) can compensate for this, such as playing with other people or changing the way you play together with various toys etc. She can get a damn good throat fucking from a toy or another mans cock? You can make her come to high heaven with a wand and no man’s penis can vibrate against your G spot. That all really depends on wheather you would consider an open relationship or a swinging relationship though…just putting it out there!

    Just an idea, as you said, its not something you can change, but you can think of ways to enrich your sex life and your potential partners without worrying about your penis. Work towards the positive instead of dwelling on the little things 😉

    Maybe harder said than done.

    Some of the best play i have had is when he hasnt even put his cock in me.

    Its not about being fucked, its about being dominated.


  • Where to start, many women will tell you that size doesn’t matter. But until you believe that it will matter to you. For me the size is not relevant, it isn’t even a case of what you do with it. The important thing is the person attatched to it and how he makes me feel.

    For the first time in my life I have great sex life and mindblowing orgasms, my partner is average sized but suffers from ED. Not the same thing but it also destroys confidence and makes him feel the way you do. Penetrative sex happens but not often, the positions that work for us are limited and often becomes frustrating for both of us. But we play and we are both happy and fulfilled with what we have.

    Not every woman is a size queen and Domination isn’t just about the physical. I am not an expert on D/s relationships but trust has to be a huge part of it. Trust which cuts both ways, for you will need to trust a sub enough to share that secret.

    I wish you luck with it and hope that you are able to find some kind of fulfilment.


  • I agree with Mia Lee; the power exchange is mental/emotional first. That connection will make one feel that the person they are submitting to is beautiful and wonderful without fault. More important than delivering a throat fucking is delivering a complete experience.

    Also, this may seem strange, but I recently participated in a strap-on demonstration. The instructors, a monogamous married couple (traditional M/F), explained that they often use strap-on dildo to simulate threesomes and different sex play scenarios. They noted that adding different sized cocks into their play enhanced their PE dynamic in many different ways.

    If you, as the Dominant, can bring your submissive play partner to the right mindset, that extension of your cock will be as cherished and appreciated as your “organic” cock would be. Just something to consider. . .

    Best of luck,


  • “Before you start to say size doesn’t matter it’s what you do with it, let me put this too you. If your partner had a small cock could you do half the things you do? Would positions become harder as it just won’t reach?”

    I am a woman, so I can’t make a comment about cock size, however, you are not alone when it comes to physical restrictions. I am only 5 feet tall. Needless to say, all men I get involved with are taller than me, some significantly. My husband for example is over 6 ft tall. This puts restrictions on the sex we can have… ok, maybe not restrictions, but it does make certain positions more challenging.

    Having sex while standing up, hard to do safely. Even if I used a step stool, we’d probably fall on our asses. 69? Sort of works, not great. When we have sex, I have the sexiest conversations with his nipples, because that’s what is at my eye level.

    The point is, we all have challenges. Yet, we all make the most with what we have. I hope that one day, you can find confidence in your size. Personally, I like smaller penises for deep throating and anal fucking.

    And to tell you the truth, men with HUGE cocks, are hard for me to take. I prefer a man without a huge cock honestly. I am not a size queen in that aspect. I don’t crave cervix banging sex.

  • I have noticed that the majority of the comments seem to be from women.

    I’ve often heard – mostly from the female variety – that size doesn’t matter. While I’m hesitant to call them liars, I would hazard a guess that this isn’t always true. Human beings are biologically predisposed to lean towards the things that they find attractive. There is nothing wrong with that.

    But let me ask you this: Do you think that your penis size directly correlates to your worth as a dominant? As a man? As a human being? If you answered yes then allow me to counter with a follow-up question: Then how do you explain female dominants, who have none of the equipment you mention let alone a small one?

    As a dominant we occasionally have a sort of power – be it perceived, implied or explicit. As such, we can sometimes feel a certain responsibility to be something others would find attractive, inspiring or trustworthy. An insecure dominant can find something such as what you describe crippling. This is understandable.

    I refuse to believe that something as intimate and powerful as D/s, S&M, etc is gender specific. Following that train of thought, neither do I believe your prowess, skill or aptitude as a dominant directly correlates to your cock size.

    Just because you want to be domineering doesn’t mean you need to deign to hit them with a huge fuck-stick. I myself have played repeatedly with people without pulling out my cock at all. If you just want to play, you shouldn’t feel required to.

    However, one cannot deny that sex can be required for play by some. I’ve asked this question myself, and got mixed responses: Some said it didn’t matter, others said sex and play went hand in hand.

    Now, to answer your questions directly, allow me to respectfully distribute some tough love:

    Grow a fucking backbone.

    If you have a small cock, get over it. This anonymous post is the first step, but there are more to make. Own it. Be forthright with people about it, but don’t make a big deal of it. Get to know toys intimately – they are a tool and not something you should feel emasculated by. Fucking machines, fucksaws, sybians, vibrators. Acquire a respectable toy collection. If you’re concerned about throat-fucking some petite young thing, grab a dildo and call her a filthy slut while she fucks her own mouth with it.

    These are the cards you were dealt. You can either mope around about it and put your real life on hold, or you can overcome it.

    You are not your cock size Sir.

  • I have to say that I agree with Sir Stompsalot above.

    I have been dominated by a number of men.

    One of which was a 59 year old male who was a live-long dominant with a less than aversage cock size (average is generally described as around 6″ erect). He was/is an extremely adept dominant male who had no visable hang up about his cock size and because of that neither did I. He flogged, caned, cropped, throat-fucked, fucked, restrained, roped, cuffed and much more besides and his cock size was never an issue.

    Another dominant I met also had a small cock he was acutely aware of this and somewhat embarrassed by it. He apologised for the lack of size etc. and as a result it became an issue because of his lack of self-confidence.

    If you want to move on through this you HAVE to accept what you have, it is still (I assume) a functioning piece of of you and should be celebrated as such.

    Listen and take note of the above comment from Sir Stompsalot he is absolutely correct in what he says.

    ~Mia~ xx

  • First can I say thank you to all of you who have commented. It would appear that my cock size is really only important to me and me alone.

    I am glad I did this, I already feel much more confident about it and as Sir Stimpsalot says I need to “Grow a fucking backbone….and buy some toys”

    I will rule my cock, it won’t rule me!

  • Okay, so size does matter. To some people. In some ways. It really doesn’t matter to me, but I know it does to some.

    BUT – a couple of things. You might not have a huge cock, but you’ve still got fingers and you can still make a fist right? You’ve still got a tongue yeah? Penetrative sex is not the be-all and end-ell.

    Also… I don’t know if this is a common fantasy, but I’ll share it with you anyway. I really really get off on the idea of being dominated by a man with a small cock. Something about him not giving a fuck, and ordering me to suck him… mmmmm. PLUS – I love cocks. And what I love about them is variety. There are things I could do with my tongue to a small cock that I just couldn’t do to a big cock…

    It’s a two way street, the “what can I do with this?” thing. Big cocks have their shortcomings too…

  • I have what I kindly refer to as s finicky vagina. Alot of times, most of the time, I find penetrative sex to range from uncomfortable to dear god your tearing my vagina in two. My favorite lover was just a tad bit longer than my hand when I would grab him. Size does matter me, I prefer and enjoy sex more with smaller men. While I maybe in the minority, I am certainly not alone in my preferences. Also since I find penetration to be difficult I am way more into foreplay and teasing than the sex itself.

  • Hello
    I’m a bisexual 30 year old woman and I say go out with some men, but I prefer to suck big, but smaller for anal sex.
    I had my first man when I was 17 and he was pretty big, I think 9 inches …. and it hurt me in the penetration … but I loved seeing him hard and ready …. very beautiful to see and for oral sex.
    Never go to bed without knowing the size and thereafter combine what we can do or can not. Like I said …. I prefer sex with women!

  • Thank you … i have the same struggle … i discovered latley that side of mine … i have an online sub boy … for the first time i experienced the domspace it’s addictive!! But bcs im more chubby than muscles and im not hung as a horse i couldn’t bring myself to go to a BDSM club … wish you luck man!

  • Hi, I’m a small cock Dom too. And I’m obese which makes it look even smaller. Look, by the time a woman sees my cock I have dominated her and she’s all good so when the dick comes out it is not an issue as she knows by then I’m a real Dom.
    Once I bought a vibrating slip on penis extender but I’ve never used it. I’ve had about 170 partners and zero of them made any put downs about my cock.
    One did make a suggestion that if I lost weight my cock would look bigger and another on first seeing it said “oh!” but that’s it. The other 168 were all good. So it’s a non issue for me.

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