Fighting with someone you love is hard. Fighting with a secret lover… a hundred times harder. I’m going through all the emotions and heart break as I watch a cherished relationship crumble, but I can’t express it because I can’t explain to my spouse that my heart is breaking for another… I can’t explain it to my friends and the people who care about me, because they would never get past the judgements to any level of understanding… they do not know about this secret part of me, they never will.
So I cry when I find a moment alone, usually as I am drifting off to sleep and I smile and try to be normal in front of my spouse. An abundance of love to give opens one’s heart to an abundance of pain and hurt as well. This pain and sadness is mine alone to bear. What a desolate place.
I know exactly how you feel hun.
I went through a miscarriage two years ago this coming July in exactly the same situation I could not tell anyone and certainly not the father as he still lived with his wife at that time and I did not know whether it would be a relationship that would continue.
The only people to know where me and my doctors.
Hang in there and cry when you can you will need to.
My love and hugs are with you.
Anon xxxxx
Hmm. Frankly, the fact that you are being dishonest in your relationship kinda’ set you up for this. If you had been up-front with your spouse, sure you might still be dealing with sadness, but at least you’d be setting yourself up for happiness down the road. The path you are currently on will lead you nowhere but to more heartache and sadness. Fess up to your spouse. Deal with your marriage. Then make the decision to move on or open the marriage. Stranger things have happened!