Longing for a different life

I wish I made enough money to support myself and my kids. I wonder sometimes if that simple inability is what keeps me married. It’s weird because I love my husband, completely. He is very good to me, works hard, stays within our understood limitations with regards to fidelity, and lots and lots of other good things. But I am sick to fucking death of being married. I want some freedom. I’ve been married my entire adult life and I’m just exhausted with having to constantly check with someone else before making a decision and then if they (being my husband) don’t want to do the thing I want to do, I have to decide to push the issue or to just give in and not do it. I’m tired of that bullshit. I just want to make a decision and then go do the thing I want to do.


3 thoughts on “Longing for a different life

  • I have been where you are now, My only advice is to start doing what is best for you. Decide what is important to you. if you are happy. then you will be more equipped to be able to care for and support your family. Nothing is ever as bad as you imagine it to be, You will find a way. whether together as a couple, or on your own.

    I think what I am trying to say is akin to the aeroplane emergency procedure. When travailing with children in the event of an emergency first take the air mask for yourself,

    This is not an easy time or decision to make, I wish you well.


  • This is precisely why two months ago I decided I had had enough after 18 1/2 years of marriage in which I was surviving but not thriving. I need to feel loved, treasured, cherished, and respected. I want to wake up in the morning feeling happy and that there is in fact hope and light in the world. Since I have moved out, inside I am so glad I am singing. I am not advocating this choice for you. All I know is that at some level we all need the freedom to decide what it is we want and need out of life. My soon-to-be-ex-husband I are still young enough to find separate happiness without each other. Wishing you well whatever you decide.

  • I do believe in the adage ‘Be careful what you wish for..’ Because it might not be the same as your fantasy. Easy to start a new relationship when you’re in one already. The freedom you desire may not be as green grass as it looks from a safe and secure vantage point.

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