A new beginning.. no matter how far away…

So I’m finding myself back here again writing. I’ve written about my Ex a lot recently. I mentioned Him in a previous post about if I should forgive or not when he went away the first time. But He did it again.. this time He became emotionally abusive towards me and the fact I was ill. The stress alone of being ill was killing me, the last thing I needed was Him. So we split. 2 days before our second full year of meeting & my birthday and 2 months before our second year anniversary.

It was a while before I thought I could move on as a woman. The thing I am grateful for is that He never got my virginity. Yes that’s right.. but I’m anything but innocent! Anyway I began to move away and just carry on with losing weight and concentrating on getting answers on my health issues. Then the whole 50 shades fiasco, yes I said it fiasco! hit up and one of the men I know on my fitness profile kept randomly teasing me about reading the book and how I was unaffected by it. He had been in a previous relationship with a mutual friend so I just took it as flirting.

Well .. me being me… I kinda went OTT one afternoon and the flirting got a little heated.. I took the step to be brave and bold and really show him how my switchy nature works.. little did he know I was a Switch. I kept this secret it’s not something I fully am. It’s just my nature, I’m naturally dominant and naturally submissive in every day life. Anyway again going off the subject to ramble! We flirted heavier this time.. I spoke in great detail on how I’d whip him and spank him.. it was mighty fine to have some fun again 😉

But that’s all I thought it was.. some hot sexy fun over the internet.. nothing more nothing less.. no virginity lost.. no hearts broken just two people enjoying each other.. yet something changed.. we grew closer swapped emails and began to chat for hours and hours in Yahoo. We spoke about our lives, our future, our past, our present, you name it we talked about it. He is older than me with two boys one teenager and one 6 year old. His 17 years my senior but his age really doesn’t throw me off. I grew up around a lot of older friends and still have a lot of older friends. I have an amazing relationship with two dear dear friends.. they know who they are.. one who is still quite new to my frienship circle but she loves me anyway!

The more we talk the more I realise I’ve fallen for him.. and he for me. He was the first to tell me how he felt.. he calls me his goddess, his queen, his lover and his friend. He doesn’t just want sex, he wants companionship, the thing is he lives miles away but we make it work.

We sat discussing 50 shades again the other night.. he had posted a very sexy picture of a woman in fishnet stockings with her hands tied behind her back and blindfolded. Little did he know that I knew all about how to tie my hands behind my back with my belt.. but I plucked up the courage and told him…. and I told him of my switchy nature. He wasn’t shocked if anything he embraced it. He didn’t see a girl who hadn’t had any real sexual experience or even had sex to know what she does and doesn’t like. So to him my J, the man who changed my life even if he is an 8 hour timezone away…..

….Smitten Kitty whose found a reason to be happy again



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