My whole life is a lie. Every part of my life is filled with deception. Not one aspect of it is untouched.
In my vanilla life, no one knows that I am kinky or bi-sexual. It is my secret. My dirty little lie that would have me kicked out of my church, disowned by my family, shunned at my children’s functions and school events. So I keep that part of myself a secret from them. I deceive them about who I really am.
In my kink life, there are less secrets… but still one (and a very big one)… no one (kinky or vanilla) knows about my secret life. I am more honest with those in my kink life but still not fully so because I have a secret life as well. A secret life filled with longing for things I can’t have in my real life, desires left unfulfilled.
But, even in my secret life, which is lived out mainly on twitter and kik, there are lies and deception because I don’t want my real life to interfere with the goals of my secret life. I don’t want the ones that might possibly fulfill at least a sliver of those desires to know about my real life. I don’t want the restriction of my real life to interfere and so I keep that to myself. I deceive those who share my secret life as well.
Even those I am closest too in any of those three parts of my life only know partial truths, shadows of the real me. There is not one person who I am wholly honest with… probably not even myself. How long can a person live with such all consuming lies and deception before they tear her completely apart?