I am a successful woman. I am a manager with a national company and my career is ascending skywards. I am in control and in charge. I thrive on high pressure situations and also have children and a husband whom I love and cherish. I can (and until very recently) do manage and balance my work and home life very well, just as everyone would expect.
Sex with my husband is good, great even, but we prefer the more kinky to the vanilla. I knew I had submissive tendencies but then something clicked in my head. It was a shift of perspective, suddenly it made sense that I was in fact a submissive. Not just any submissive, his submissive, my husband’s submissive.
Like all Type A personalities I have done my research but I have never felt as vulnerable or as exposed as I did when I told my husband that I was a submissive and I wanted him to be my Dominant. He went quiet. There was a lot of silence. He said he loved me and that he would do anything for me….and we took it from there. There was a flurry of emails and text messages as I chose the time to tell him when I was away from home, I couldn’t cope with that particular face to face conversation. We realised that we had been having ‘spicy’ sex for a while and that this was just a step further forward.
Why kink? Why submission? I am in control, not in an unfriendly or cold way, just in control of my life and where it is going. If I want something to happen then I make it happen but never at the expense of others. I work hard and apply myself but I have difficulty in stopping and switching off. I have tried yoga, meditation, alcohol, everything but I find it almost impossible to go from being in control to being relaxed. I can give him the best sex he could ever want, but I would still be in control. My choice to relinquish control to someone whom I love and trust and who loves, trusts and respects me in turn is not so daft. It is the psychological tussle we both enjoy. Kind of like handing over a £20 note to someone and not letting go – you both know that I will let go but not where or when and they have to take the money from me, I will not/cannot hand it over meekly.
It is the tools that we use to allow me to give up this power and control that people would raise an eye brow at, if they knew. I fear that I will be judged, ridiculed, that my career will stop. People see only the ropes and the cuffs they don’t see him teasing my mind not my body. They don’t see the gentle ways in which he holds me and allows me to explore the darker territories of my mind. They don’t see that by giving him this power and control that I have more scope to be curious and in some ways by giving up my control I have more power.
My husband is well over 6 feet tall and is a very muscular man. He is a gentle giant. I was worried that asking him to use me as a fuck toy would repel him or push him over the edge as I know that he would never hurt me either physically or psychologically. However, I am delighted to say that he is aware that he has been a Dominant by proxy for years and that my disclosure has freed him too. He needs a sub as much as I need a Dom, we need each other, we fit together. In a very sensible way from our perspective, but possibly more odd from the outside looking in, kink has set us free.