- July 3rd, 2012
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This is an update to the original blog post here on Anonymous called The Other Woman
The other Woman, no more. it is over..
This thing, this affair, this mad and at times wildly exciting adventure. It all came to a head at the weekend, he told his wife it was over, he came to me and I held him through his sobbing wracking tears, held him, wiped those tears away supported and comforted him as best I could. He told me he didn’t love her, didn’t like her even and also told me he didn’t love me, but that he thought he’d found his soul mate in me. He told me that he had told his wife about me, but he still came to me, for what now I don’t know. I was and am his best friend (his words)
We had a very surreal day together, still doing the things we had originally planned for the day, his birthday, but in a very strange detached way. We didn’t speak of us or what might become of us, but I just let him let everything out, I didn’t know how to reach him so I was simply there for him. He dropped me back at the hotel later in the evening and left to face the music. So scared of what he was going to face at home I didn’t sleep well, my mind in overtime, wondering and not daring to hope if there maybe a future in the distance for us, after all he had come to me hadn’t he..?
The next morning the phone call came that told me that was not to be. “I need to talk to you” he said and I knew instantly it would be bad news. They had talked long into the night and she had admitted how much she had taken the relationship for granted. She had asked for a second chance, something they had never talked about something they never knew was coming, she knows all about me (not everything, not that we had sex as it transpires) and doesn’t feel threatened by me ( In denial?) He has agreed to it. She needs him, he is all she has ever known and he needs the security and familiarity of her. I told him this would be the end for us, he wanted, hoped, we could meet now and then, socially, but of course that could never be. It’s not fair to anyone. So we said a very painful goodbye, amidst many many tears. Tears over things we hadn’t shared and wanted to share, tears over the amazing times we’d had. He left me alone in an hotel room in a strangely ironic way as he had met me there that first time.
How I found the strength to get home without breaking down I don’t know, but I did. He asked me to email him one last time to let him know I was home safe and that would be the end but I couldn’t say it, I still can’t. We have spoken several times since and I am struggling so much to accept how someone who claims to have met their soul-mate, who is totally bereft (more tears) at the loss of their best friend can say goodbye to that and attempt to resurrect a marriage that’s been dead for over 10 years. He has said he sees me everywhere and in everything. He is totally at rock bottom. I can do nothing more for him now, he has to work out for himself what he wants, whether he dare take a risk or settle for mediocrity.
They are going for marriage guidance counselling and I have to respect his decision and I do, and I have told him so but I have told him he needs to be 100% honest with her and tell her EVERYTHING because if he doesn’t I am tempted to. It’s so very hard. I love him so very much and I know that although he says he doesn’t love me he does, but he can’t deal with it. Better the devil you know as he said. I know him better than he knows himself and he knows it and has admitted it. I think his wife is one of three things; either in denial about it, unaware of all the facts, or such a strong woman she can take it on the chin, see that she drove him away and accept her part in it. I know though its a combination of the first 2 and I feel that without the full facts she is unable to make an informed choice about whether and why she should take him back. There is also a part of me that thinks she wouldn’t be able to cope with or understand the full gravity of the situation as in his words she is not terribly well educated. She is naive and as I said before he is all she has ever known and I don’t mean to criticise her in this at all but I did tell him that to start again without her in possession of the full facts would be beginning their relationship again with more lies. He is going to email me one last time despite me telling him not to. He wants to put it all down on paper despite having told me already. I will reply. I shall tell him that I will pick myself up and carry on. I have to, I am stronger than I thought I was. I’m not sure what he came into my life for right now and although I won’t wait for him I will always keep the door ajar should things not work out. You don’t get that many soul-mate’s come your way in lifetime do you?