I am 22 and still a virgin. I know this is not anything too out of the ordinary but it is not as a result of not having the opportunity but because I can’t bring myself to show my body to another person.
When I was 4 I fell into a bonfire in my Grandparents garden. Luckily my Grandfather was swift to rescue me and rush me off to the hospital. The burn was all my left leg and despite lots of surgery and skin grafts I still have a horrible ugly scar all around my knee and particularly across the front of my thigh. The skin is all rippled and puckered. In some places it is a shiny red and in others a pale white. For the most part I just ignore it. I never look in the mirror unless I have my trousers on and I rarely go naked. I wear pajama bottoms to bed so that I don’t have to see it or even accidentally feel it in the night. The only people who have ever seen it are my parents and brother. I did an amazing job of hiding it, even at school. You would be surprised the lengths I went to to avoid situations where someone might see it.
Now I have met a girl. She is not the first girl but she is the first one who has ever made me think about sharing my scar with her and yet I am completely and utterly terrified at the prospect of doing so. I think it is the most ugly horrible thing I have ever seen so I can only assume that she will think the same and the thought of seeing that repulsion on her face makes me feel physically sick and yet, unlike all the times before when I have driven them away so as not to face this moment I want to do it. I want to show her, I want her to be OK with it, I want to be brave enough to trust that she will not destroy me with one look but I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing that.
Should I tell her before hand, warn her about what she will see or should I just let her discover it and treat like it is nothing important? I feel like I should warn her but every time I have contemplated saying something the words just won’t come out, but just letting her discover it feels even more terrifying. There is a third option, which is to reject her like I have done others in the past but unlike before, that thought also scares me too. I like her a lot.