2 a.m. and I’m still awake writing a song. If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside me. Threatening the life it belongs to….

Changes funny how we deal with them.

A lot of things have happened over the past month some good, some indifferent, none that I call bad, though I think a few mistakes have been made. Moving on.

War of the Roses. Dissolving a marriage that lasted quite a long time. There’s no one to blame and no victims here. Just 2 people that forgot to include one another along the way. I’d get up every morning and just want to bash his face in. Of course I wouldn’t do that and the cat didn’t get ran over, nor was it indicated that the dog was used in a pate. We split like… Adults should split. We love each other, but in some cases love can’t fix everything.

Ollie: well here’s another fine mess I’ve gotten myself into.

On twitter I follow a few married couples that are also in the BDSM lifestyle presenting themselves as D/s. I’ve always wanted to experience that. I met a man, within 3 days I was collared. As days went by the evidence was becoming clear that he was in love with me. Over the top love. Stop the presses.

Having been taught in the old school ways I take the collar seriously. It means that I have accepted the commitment to one man as well as other things, I believe the responsibilities vary from couple to couple but carry there own weight in importance. But I’m not in love. This story keeps evolving as it’s happening in present tense. I don’t look past the holidays though, making plans, I don’t see a future, what we want as individuals are different. He knows my position and it’s hard, for both of us. There’s some apprehension on each side. Suddenly he doesn’t trust me, but on the same note I don’t him. Time will tell. Right now he needs someone to care for him, and I happen to be good at caring for others. Or I hope so.

Other than that my relationship with my girlfriend is awesome, I still speak with a man from Australia. Nothing sexual goes on between us any-more, he’s been a friend, a Dom, and back to a friend. I appreciate him in many ways.

That’s me in the here and now, can you keep up? :)

And breathe, just breathe. Cause you can’t jump the track, life keeps coming our way, it’s our job to handle it one moment at a time.