8th September 2012

My husband does not get it ~ I have tried in many ways… leaving out books and articles, leaving webpages up ~ even asking. I want to be dominated, I enjoy pain intermingled with my pleasure ~ I live to please and serve …. He does not get it, what I am, what I desire, what I need…… but someone else does.

I have known N my whole life I feel ~ since jr high. He was one of my first crushes, it was not reciprocated at the time, so we became friends… on and off again more than that, but at the bottom of it all ~ friends always. He knows who I was as a child and watched me grow into a woman. N knows everything ‘bad’ I ever did and every boy/man I ever ‘did’ 🙂 ~ knows all that and still loves me for who I am.
We have stayed friends through the years, not close but always in some sort of contact. In the last year or so becoming closer than in the past. Texting or emailing innocuous messages about our daily lives. I started going to him for advice on how to deal with my husband, and he truly gave good advice…. from a man’s point of view. I freely gave my advice from a woman’s point of view as well.

I am not even sure how/when we crossed the line, it happened this spring without my even realizing it. All of the sudden our texts took on a different tone, feeling, mood. We ended up reading 50 Shades together and discussing it, as our respective partners would not join in. He recognized himself in me and brought to the surface a piece of myself I have always hidden~ afraid and a bit ashamed to admit that piece was there.

He is my Dom, I am happily his sub……. what we find in each other we do not get in the other relationship in our daily lives. I am not looking to implode my life or his…….. I know I am making dangerous decisions and heading out into dark uncharted territory…… but he is my new addiction, I don’t want to stop what I have started and honestly if it brings us both happiness and we are not hurting the others in our lives, is it wrong?

Thank you for having this page for me to anonymously admit my darkest secrets and fears.

I am embarking on an affair and I am a sub……… I am a sub.. just typing it is freeing, I like to be dominated, told what to do ~ but only by 1 person, only a certain person… I have come to see clearly that I can no longer deny this side of my being ~ I have only been 1/2 of who I really am….. thanks to you again for your freeing site, sites really as I am reading all of your blogs and finding a kindred spirit is healing and helpful!