Fighting with someone you love is hard. Fighting with a secret lover… a hundred times harder. I’m going through all the emotions and heart break as I watch a cherished relationship crumble, but I can’t express it because I can’t explain to my spouse that my heart is breaking for another… I can’t explain it to my friends and the people who care about me, because they would never get past the judgements to any level of understanding… they do not know about this secret part of me, they never will.
So I cry when I find a moment alone, usually as I am drifting off to sleep and I smile and try to be normal in front of my spouse. An abundance of love to give opens one’s heart to an abundance of pain and hurt as well. This pain and sadness is mine alone to bear. What a desolate place.